It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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