i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
