I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
