Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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