we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
