Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
