dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
