There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
