I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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