I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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