big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
