well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
