I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
