It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
