considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
