He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
