I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
