I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
