Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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