haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
