If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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