if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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