very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
