i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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