New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
