Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
