btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
