Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
