im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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