just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
