its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
