I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
