I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
