Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
