I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Michael Bay diarrhea
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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