I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
