I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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