Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
