thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
