8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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