I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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