I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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