I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
