Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
