I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
