I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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