If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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