Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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