I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
