I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
